How Should I Pray?

INTRODUCTION

I love my father. There is no man drawing breath in this world for whom I have as much love and respect as I do for him. Whatever good I may have accomplished in this life as a Christian, husband, father, and preacher of the Gospel of Christ must be understood in the context of his godly influence on my life. His direction of all my life through childhood instilled in me a love of God and proper, enduring moral values. His touch showed me how a child should be raised. His love and respect for my mother provided a living example of God’s intention of how a man should guide his family. His life as a Christian and preacher inspired me to want to follow in his steps and live the same kind of life. I am eternally grateful for the honor it is be called a son of Dan Jenkins.

Yet, the memories of childhood only sketch a shadowy outline of the vibrant impact his life has upon me. For the first two decades of my life our relationship was defined by his authority over me. That power was always displayed in the wrapping of his love, but it was the dominate force nonetheless. It had to be that way. No father can raise an obedient son without instilling in his child a respect for the unwavering sovereignty of his will in the home. However, as I grew into adulthood my need to be reminded of his position lessened. I challenged him less. I understood him more. His authority over me has not waned, but our relationship has been transformed. I am no longer perplexed by his choices. I no longer doubt the application of his principles. My experience in faith and family as I have followed in his steps has shown me the wisdom of his life. My father’s life is has been my living example of godliness. My life is made in his image. His values are now our values. Our lives now stand for the same ideals. We fight the good fight of faith together. He is more to me than just a father, and I am more to him than just a son. He is my friend and I am his.

The journey of my life was the goal my father had for me from the beginning. He did not desire to have a son that knew nothing more than obedience by rote. As every good father wants, he wanted a son with whom he could share his love and wisdom. He possessed a lifetime of godliness and divinely revealed wisdom that deserved to be shared and passed on to another to be treasured for another generation. If I had never accepted his teachings or if I had never chosen to grow in maturity and share in his hopes and dreams, his intention would have remained unfulfilled. When a good father chooses the path of procreation it is done in the hope that his offspring will one day understand the heart and mind of his father. When a father chooses to have a son he wants more than a servant for hire. He wants a companion. His grandest hope is that he will find a true friend who is made in his image and intimately understands his intentions.

FRIENDSHIP: GOD’S WILL FOR YOUR LIFE

Just as understanding a parent’s desire to have children is nearly universal in its reach, so too is the need to comprehend the nature of our purpose in life touches every soul who lives. What is not done nearly so often is to attempt to understand one of those contemplations in light of the other.

At some point it is natural for humans, and especially for those who are Christians to ask, “What is God’s will for my life?” Most answer that question in view of circumstantial considerations. They are confronted with difficult questions of life and want to make sure that they choose the right action. They want to make the choice that is in harmony with God’s will which they are convicted He has for each of them. Intentional or not, their interpretation of God’s will for their life is often focused on the outcome of events and choices and not the process that leads to those choices.

How often do we petition God for wisdom to make “the right choice” about spiritual challenges, marriage, family, career, and every other consequential and many inconsequential circumstances we face? The prayer for wisdom is certainly a wonderful approach to God and one that He honors (Jam. 1:5-6). However, the implicit suggestion of the prayer needs examination. For many, living a life that pleases God’s will for them comes down to making a series of right choices. These choices are not the ones about good and evil. We know not to lie or commit adultery. There is little need to pray for wisdom about such things. What fills our prayers for wisdom is the unending stream of difficult to evaluate options and opportunities that come to us in life. We believe at least some of those choices are in front of us because God’s providence has placed them there. If God has provided an opportunity to serve, we must be ready to seize it and honor His work in our lives. So we pray for wisdom to help us discern the providential from the coincidental. For many having a sense of God’s approval of our lives is stronger when we find validation in the good outcome of the choices we have made.

But is the ability to make right choices what a father has as an ultimate goal for his son? Partially, yes. However, in the end he wants more from his son. Considering the growth of a young son in a father’s home can help illustrate this principle.

When the son is an infant, he never considers the will of his father. He acts on impulse and instinct. When he is hungry or tired, he cries. When he is happy, he laughs. He never stops to ask if the timing is appropriate or to consider how his actions impact his father or others. The task of the father is to correct the child and begin instilling in the son a sense of propriety and respect.

As the son reaches into adolescence his focus begins to change. He understands, fears, and even appreciates the authority of his father. Now before acting, the thought of his father’s approval enters his mind. At this point he likely does not understand nor agree with what his father wants but he will abide by it. Here the father’s role is to reinforce the lessons and encourage the son to accept them even against his will.

At some point as the son grows through his teen years and passes into the early days of his adulthood, he begins to appreciate his father’s wisdom. He covets his counsel. Before making any major decision, he petitions his father for advice. In that way he mimics many of the prayers we offer. He trusts that his father knows best and that his father will guide him in the best path. In this stage of growth the father still seeks to guide his son and does take joy in the growing wisdom and perception in his son’s heart.

The question that remains is, “Has the son reached his father’s goal for his life?” The answer is no. No father wants his son to stagnate in a place of growth where he is dependent upon the constant supervision of his father to move forward in life. The father wants the son to make the best choices for his life, true. But his real aim is to equip the son with the same values and principles he uses to make those choices. His goal is not permanent dependence but a like-minded independence. He wants the son to see in the opportunities and challenges in life the same truths and dangers that he sees. He wants his son be so in tune with his spirit that the son makes the same choices that he would make.

The goal of the father was never about ensuring that the son would make specific choices in life. Only controlling and untrustworthy fathers seek to dictate the specific choices of their sons’ lives. Good fathers are more concerned about the teaching the principles and process of good discernment in the face of choices than they are with the specific outcome.

It is not until the son takes ownership of his own life and can make the right choice from the experienced application of his own values that the son reaches the goal his father has for him. From the beginning that has been what the father wanted. He wanted a companion and a fellow-solider on the battlefield of life. Only one word can describe fully the relationship of a father and a grown son living in the fullness of his father’s likeness: friendship. Friendship is the ideal relationship a father hopes to experience with his son one day. It is the embodiment of a single heart alive in two people. When father and son reach that degree of companionship not only are they bound together in genetics, but they are also united in spirit that ensures the goodness of a family will continue on for another generation.

Understanding that process provides a powerful tool in understanding God’s will for each of His saints. It is beyond doubt that God does want us to make good and right choices. Yet, the New Testament shows considerable restraint in defining those choices for us. Most of the options we have in life are never specifically addressed in the Gospel. Does God’s Word tell Christians where to live, specifically who to marry, when and how many children to have, or what to do for a living? All of those choices are left unanswered. God has placed the responsibility to make good choices in all of those areas and many more within our hands. Even through answered prayer, there is no specific answer or even insight coming. Yet, we still feel the pull to please Him by making the best choice that we can. It is in that moment that we need a clear vision of what God intends for us. At a basic level it is the same goal that every good father has for his son. He wants us to understand His mind so completely that our will is naturally in sync with His. God never intended to create automatons that need direction every day in order to accomplish His will on the earth. He created man in His own image (Gen. 1:26-28). He had so much trust in the beings that He made that He placed His whole creation under their dominion (Psa. 8:4-8). He created beings with the potential to love like He loves (1 John 4:12) and to be holy as He is holy (1 Pet. 1:16). The ultimate expression of His will for our lives is not just that we make right choices, but that we are transformed from the allurements and distraction of this world to become like Him (Rom. 12:1-2; 2 Cor. 3:18). His will is that we become like our Father. His will is that we become His companions in eternity and that we become His friends.

AN INVITATION TO FRIENDSHIP

Just before His return to Heaven Jesus expressed His desire to sustain a relationship of friendship with His disciples:

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. (John 15:13-15)

His words express two points that highlight the nature of friendship between God and man.

First, man is called into friendship based on his participation in the values that make up the nature of God. Jesus set the terms of His friendship with the disciples by saying, “Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.” His statement asserts that the friends of God live in harmony with the commands of God. However, one should be careful not to read the verse backwards. Jesus’ proclamation is not that the disciples would become His friends by doing everything He commands. His statement is that because they were His friends they would follow His commands.

To see the difference compare John 15:14 with Luke 17:10:

• John 15:14–Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
• Luke 17:10–So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do.

The servants pictured in the parable of Luke 17 fulfill the task of doing everything commanded of them by their master. Does that make them the master’s friend? No. In fact, the point of the message is that even after doing all the master commands no servant is worthy of sitting at meat with his master. His place is to continue serving without an expectation of thanks from his master (Luke 17:9).

How then does the service of the apostles make them the friends of Jesus? It happens in the same way that it does between earthly fathers and sons. When the son has so learned the ways of his father that he begins to fulfill every expectation of the father without the need of constant direction and supervision, he enters into a friendship relation with his father. As Amos said, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed” (Amos 3:3). When the son’s judgments about the choices of life agree with his father’s, the two begin to walk together not because of the father’s commands but because they have the same spirit living within them.

That is the promise of Jesus to His disciples and to the Christian today. His invitation to walk in agreement with Him is life changing. A Christian who follows the ways of God because of friendship lives a life of peace and contentment. A Christian who follows the ways of God in a struggle to become God’s friend will inevitably find failure because of his own weaknesses. There will always be a sense separation between God and him. His perceived isolation from God will hinder his spiritual growth.

Second, Jesus’ invitation to friendship is based on an unrestrained openness of heart. To the apostles he said, “Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.” His promise is that He was keeping no secrets from them. Servants have no need to understand why master wants a task done. All they need to know is that it has been commanded. Friends are treated differently. They are included in the details that help sustain the relationship. Their efforts and the quality of heart are respected. That respect builds a strong relationship in which there is a confidence. True friends, because they have shared their thoughts and intentions together, know each other’s hearts. They know that both parties are invested in the relationship and long for and expect the relationship to continue.

We are far more than just servants in the mind of God. He shared His heart with us. He has opened His mind and revealed Himself to us. His invitation is a call to an eternal and unrestrained relationship of intimacy. As all good friends do, He longs for us to succeed and grow closer in our relationship.

LIFE AS GOD’S FRIEND

Too many Christians live their lives without this sense of God’s commitment to our relationship. They can only see themselves as lowly servants that are barely scraping by and who will be lucky if they can secure a lean-to on the edge of Heaven’s forest as their reward. This lack of confidence in the relationship they have with God ruins the abundance of the life the Gospel has to offer to us. It is in the Gospel that Jesus brought “life and immortality to light” (2 Tim. 1:10). Do we really believe that the immortal life that Jesus intended to secure for us by His death is one so fragile that the simple vagaries of human weakness can undermine it?

Why is it that we have more confidence in the faithfulness and understanding of our human companions than in God? Each of us has a spouse, family members, and friends that we know will love us no matter how imperfect our actions are. Couples live together for a lifetime never abandoning each other even though they disappoint each other almost daily. What keeps them together is a trust in their mutual commitment to the relationship. They know that missteps of their relationship are not motivated by callousness or malevolence in their partner’s heart. In good marriages we expect to see that kind of understanding and tenderness. We applaud it. We hope to emulate it in our lives. Friendship, we understand, is strengthened by the expression of mercy within it.

Yet, with God we struggle to allow Him to have the same disposition toward His children. Perhaps the height of His holiness intimidates us. Perhaps in trying to stop the advance of those who minimize faithfulness in their proclamation of the alleged eternal security of believers we have so strongly argued for the necessity of obedience that we have imposed a harshness of action to God which He does not have towards His children, who are His friends. Perhaps it is our persistent failures that produce guilt and shame that is nearly unbearable and makes us feel unworthy to stand before God. Whatever the cause, the effect is that we end up viewing other humans, who are afflicted with their own frailties, as more reliable and faithful friends than God.

Brethren, God is the best friend. If your spouse can love you even with your frailties and if your friends can love you with a love that does not have to be earned, God can do more. His love is stronger, more faithful, and more enduring than any love another human has ever shown you. We need to stand and denounce the statement the one-talent servant made about God: “Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man . . . And I was afraid” (Mat. 25:24-25). No, He is not. God is never a “hard man” toward His friends. The one-talent man failed because his view of His master was skewed. He had fear in his heart that never needed to exist. Christians need to learn this lesson. God’s love is a perfect love toward His friends. There is no fear in perfect love (1 John 4:17-18). We must never have fear or doubt about the strength of God’s love toward us.

God’s invitation to us is a call to friendship. His acceptance of us as His friends is a statement that He trusts us to become like Him, to share His values, and to live in harmony with the divine nature with which He created us. His invitation is one of an unrestrained intimacy that welcomes us to see into His heart. He has hidden none of His plans and desires from us. He has treated us as friends because welcoming us into the eternal bond is why He created us in the beginning.

ABRAHAM: THE MAN WHO WAS GOD’S FRIEND

One man in Scripture epitomizes a relationship of friendship with God. He is the only single person about whom the statement that he was the friend of God is made. The Bible calls Abraham God’s friend in three places: 2 Chronicles 20:7; Isaiah 41:8; James 2:23. His example shows us the path to living a life of true friendship with God.

James’s statement about Abraham’s friendship with God is most telling:

Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar? Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect? And the Scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. (Jam. 2:21-23)

James’s statement references two Old Testament passages. His description of Abraham’s offering of Isaac is found in Genesis 22. His recording that Abraham’s faith was counted as righteousness is found in Genesis 15:6.

James connects Abraham’s friendship with God to the offering of Isaac on the altar. He says that the “Scripture was fulfilled” when Abraham offered Isaac. The timing of that is significant. Faith draws man to God. Faith over time transforms the soul as it seeks God in His Word. At the first, faith obeys because it is seeking God’s favor. Once it is mature, faith obeys because it agrees with God’s will. That is the journey that Abraham took. He is a faithful man at the time of his first steps out of Ur. However, without the journey that he took with God as he waited for Isaac’s birth for more than two decades, his offering of Isaac on the altar would not have been so powerful. Abraham’s friendship with God came when his faith in God is fulfilled.

The parallel between Abraham’s offering of Isaac and God’s sending of His Son is remarkable. Notice how God refers to Isaac in Genesis 22. In verse 2 God says, “Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest.” Then in verse 12 God says, “ . . . for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.” Isaac is called not just his son, but his “only Son who he loves.” Twice, God emphasized the singular place that Isaac held within Abraham’s heart. Isaac was to Abraham exactly what Jesus is to the Father: “. . . the only begotten Son, which is in the bosom of the Father . . .” (John 1:18). God asked of Abraham the same offering, the same gift that He would one day give to man.

Abraham’s offering of Isaac not only foreshadowed the sacrifice of Jesus, but it also professed a great testimony about the ability of man to reflect the divine nature in his life. In time God would offer His Son to meet the need of His friends. Yet, He would not do it without precedent. The man who was His friend had already shown the fullness of the power of faith and trust between friends. Abraham trusted his Friend. God never offered an explanation as to why it was necessary for Isaac to be sacrificed. His need for Isaac was unexpressed, but Abraham responded to it simply because his Friend needed the gift. That is true friendship. Friends respond to the needs of their companions. Without restraint, without reservation the resources and treasures of one friend are freely expended to meet the needs of the other. Abraham was willing to do that for his Friend. For that offering, God counted Abraham as His friend. Abraham’s offering showed that man was willing to do for God what God one day had to do for man.

More than that, Abraham shows us that the same quality of faith can reside in each of our hearts. God points us to Abraham as our father in faith (Rom. 4:16). People of faith who have responded to the call of the Gospel are the spiritual offspring of Abraham (Gal. 3:27-29). We share in the same walk of faith. Our faith has the same potential and power as Abraham’s did. Abraham’s faith in God allowed him to share the dearest treasure he had with God without hesitation or fear. He held nothing back from his Friend. Such is the promise of our faith. No Christian should ever approach God fearful of rejection or disappointment in his efforts. Our faith has the same promise of fulfillment as Abraham’s.

CONCLUSION

God is perfect. He lacks nothing in being a perfect friend to His saints. There is only one place where some deficiency can reside that can keep us isolated from God. That place is within our hearts. From the moment we become children of God the opportunity to see ourselves as a friend of God is our privilege to claim. What keeps that blessing from impacting our hearts is our own misconception of God’s view of us. When we see ourselves as less than worthy of this great blessing we inevitably hinder our spiritual growth. If you do not sense the friendship of God in your life, look inward.

God trusts man. He values us more highly than often we value ourselves. He believes that we can understand His ways and live them. Long ago, when He told Israel that their thoughts were not His thoughts, nor their ways His ways, he was not defining their limits (Isa. 55:8). He was rebuking them for not living up to their nature. His call was for those who had turned away from His Word to forsake their ways and change their thoughts (Isa. 55:7). He believed that they could be more than they were. He knew His Word could transform them, if only they would listen to it (Isa. 55:10-11). He has never told man that he was unworthy of redemption, compassion, and faithfulness. God believes in mankind. He believes in you.

There are few bonds more inspiring that the bond of friendship. Our physical friends inspire us and lift us up to do more than we could ever imagine doing alone. Imagine how much more powerful a source of inspiration an infinite God’s friendship can be in your life. He created man in His own image in order to share the power of that image with people He could know as friends. There is a hope and strength that awaits you. Its treasures are found in the fulfillment of your faith. Follow in Abraham’s example. Open your life completely to God. Agree to walk together every step of your life with your greatest Friend, God.

WORKS CITED

The Holy Bible: King James Version. Print.